By Zoeyphoenix
I know a few people
who share this same sentiment. To them, sex is seen as nothing more than a
handshake, but a kiss holds a much deeper meaning.
Fairy tales eulogize
kisses. Sleeping beauty was awoken by her true love’s first kiss. Fiona took on
love’s true form after kissing Shrek (I
bet no one was expecting that outcome, lol), and the same kiss turned the frog
and the beast into handsome princes. Kisses have always been a symbol of
something magical. But really, what’s in a kiss.
In my experience, I’ve
found that in more cases than others, a kiss could turn out to be nothing more
than a disappointing anti-climax. Mills & Boons (M&B) succeeded in
distorting reality when they described a deeply passionate kiss as leaving you
weak in the knees and breathless with anticipation, the only obvious sign of
such a passionate kiss would be a flushed face and swollen pink lips. That my
friend, is pure bull!
This leads me to my
classification of kisses, and I feel it best to start with the M&B type
kisses which I prefer to call the Crab Kiss.
I’m a big fan of
kissing, and half the time I kiss a new guy more out of curiosity than anything
else. Although I am very particular about who I kiss, germs are real you
know. I love the heady feeling and rush of emotions that usually accompany
that first kiss, especially when its unexpected. However, my first Crab Kiss
was anything but lovable.
As I said, the Crab Kiss is the stuff M&B
novels are made of. Being an avid reader of M&B in my teens I had been
looking forward to being kissed just like that. Imagine my shock and revulsion
when the guy swooped in for a kiss and almost
immediately I felt a crab’s claw clamp down on my lips, but instead of yanking
my lips right off, he started sucking on it like it was mother’s breast milk
and his life depended on every single drop. Chewing and sucking on the
succulent cherry mango that was meant to be my lips. That experience left my
lips looking like Jay-Z‘s lips after a Botox injection – swollen,
painful, and ugly. Had to tell anyone who asked that I sleep-walked into a
door, it definitely felt like it.
Then there’s the Dog
Kiss. I’m certain you can already picture that in your head. But believe me it
is not the same as actually experiencing it at the hands of a human being. My
first, and only, Dog Kiss left my gag reflex working on over-drive. The guy
came at my face with his tongue as a weapon of destruction, not pleasure.
Before he even got to my mouth he had started licking everything within inches
of it. My face, my lips, my nose, before attacking my mouth. I just about
shoved him off as I felt the nausea kicking in. That relationship ended before
it even started, he never knew why. There was definitely no future in a
relationship where I have to disinfect my face after every kiss.
And it gets worse, the
Leaking Faucet Kiss. Yes, this kiss is as icky as it sounds. It has some
elements of the Dog Kiss. The guy did not just lick, he deposited pools of
saliva wherever his lips touched! At one point, I could feel it oozing down the
side of my face into my ear, cos I was lying down. I don’t know if he felt the
need to lubricate my face or something but it was by far the most disgusting
kiss I had ever experienced. I could not wait to put my dettol soap to work.
Now the Octopus Kiss.
I’m sure most of us have seen those viral pictures of couple trying to win the
‘I Can Swallow You’ competition. The guy’s mouth is wide open, almost as if off
its hinges, and half his partner’s face has disappeared into the gaping
hole where his mouth once was. Thankfully, I have never experienced this kind
of kiss before and I hope to God I never do. It gives a whole new meaning to ‘I Love You So Much I Want
To Eat You Up‘.
The Choking Kiss is
rarely experienced. It takes a guy with a freakishly long tongue to deliver a
Choking Kiss. This kiss involves the guy sticking the whole length of his
tongue into your mouth just to see how far it’ll go. While you’re still looking
for a way to get his climbing plant of a tongue out of your mouth before he
completely cuts off your air supply, he’s too busy admiring his tongue dancing
at the back of your throat to notice your struggles! That shit crazy!
It gets better though,
was saving the best for last. The award winning type kisses that epic romance
movies are made of. After my encounters and different trials and errors in
Kissville, I finally found a winner; the Soul Mate Kiss. Its almost like you’re
reading each other’s minds and you know just what the other wants, everything
in sync. You lose all awareness of everything and everyone around
you. This kiss literally sweeps you off your feet, takes you to cloud 9
and leaves you floating all the way back to earth. Another kind of high from
the usual weed and opium. And when you finally break apart and open your eyes,
you go “Hello World, I’m Back”! with a
stupid grin on your face like that crazy spooky Cheshire cat from Alice In Wonderland.
Trust me, you haven’t kissed till you experience this one.
I guess the morrow of
the story is that, yes, there IS power in a kiss, its a special and beautiful
thing and there’s something to be said for the love and intimacy it signifies.
That being said, my message here is that there is an even bigger power in the
delivery of said kiss. I mean who didn’t feel the ‘heat’ when Kirsten Dunst‘s character and Spiderman shared
that infamous up-side-down kiss in the rain
What really is in a
kiss. What do you think… Check out her Blog here at:
1 comments
Awww.... This is really nice.
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